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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Push Me-Pull You /Beautiful Things.

Dr. Dolittle 1967 w/ Push Me-Pull You
Life often makes me feel like a Push Me-Pull You. I have two voices in my head. The happy go lucky one that enjoys life, all it's small pleasures and beauty it has to offer. Finding joy in mundane things like cooking, cleaning, stopping to watch a bird fly and listen to it's song, smell the roses, and the list goes on. Then the other voice inside of me pulls me in the other direction, backwards, unable to find any joy at all. I struggle with this day in and day out. 

Take yesterday for example. Awoke to glorious weather. I nearly bounced out of bed, and at a reasonable hour ! I got dressed, and took my walk, so happy to be doing so after being stuck inside for so very long. I walked with ease, and chatted with the crossing guard down the block, smiling all the way through my walk I am sure. Grabbed my coffee at the corner gas station and chatted with the clerk, Jane, for a bit of time. I came home and was playing on the computer chatting with friends and in a chipper mood.

The day continued with my middle daughter calling, "Let's go on a walk." she said. Why not I thought? So off we went ( I even out make up on for the occasion) , and we ended up down at a local shopping spot I have mentioned here often, The Fountains. We window shopped and chatted. Spritzed perfume on ourselves and allowed ourselves to dream of wearing all the pretties at Anthropologie and furnishing our home with the decor from Zgallerie . We decided on a late afternoon snack at The Counter, a build your own burger place. The day was sunny and warm with a cool breeze, perfect for patio sitting. My husband called, he was on his way home, we told him to come join us. He told us of his first day in his new position at work , not more money, but a chance for it , and all about setting up his office and such. We talked of our daughters dreams for the future, and joined in on them, we laughed over silly things and savored the time and food that we were having. My husband gave us a ride home, so we could skip the walk back as it was getting cooler out, and once home our daughter left. 

We puttered around the apartment, and I began to clear my emails and questioned my husband on if he had found out why we had not gotten our tax return? I was eager for it to come, though small it was going to allow me to pay off the doctor bills, re-subscribe to the Sunday paper so that I could have coupons again. It was also to allow me to get a hair cut, buy a few new, and much needed Summer clothing, having lost weight and wearing the items I have now so often , they are baggy and ratty as I like to say. Then the bomb dropped. The IRS had sent our return file to the wrong department. They sent it to collections. We would not be receiving the money. My heart and mood sank, pulled the other way, away from all the joy I had that day.

We have been in litigation with the IRS for over a year now. Or tax return had been flagged at that time and we had received a bill for at that time nearly 900.00, most of that interest on a 300.00 owed difference from a filing a couple years back. We decided to fight it when we remembered that H&R Block had filed that season for us. The IRS claimed we did not pay enough and our numbers did not match up with my husbands then employers claim. We left it to our tax person and called from time to time for updates, usually the same day we call the loan company that frauded our account and drained us of nearly a 1000.00 ( at the same time the IRS hit us with their bill) as it too is in litigation. We get the same answer from both phone calls quite often. Only after several months did we find out the agent handling the tax issue had misfiled our claim OH! and he no longer worked for the office. So back to square one. 

Months have elapsed and it was tax time again. We did our own as we could not afford the fees to have it done, big mistake....or so we found out yesterday. Our tax agent at H&R Block had told us that our litigation would not effect this tax return, and that there was no worries. An agent at the IRS had also assured us this was the case, since the other error had been found by them and was in process of a resolution, they could not take our money till it was settled. We continued to call and get things pushed through to receive our refund, no easy task when dealing with the IRS during tax season, but hubby kept calling and checking online for where our money had went, why had it not arrived in our account as of yet. That is when he decided to call again yesterday and the agent told him what had happened. Hubby also called our agent at H&RB, and more paperwork has been filed on our behalf because of this it is a waiting game.

Hubby was not going to mention it. He is that way, always keeping bad news from me to protect me. I love him for it, but it is also frustrating. When he finally told me as I said my balloon deflated and the gloom and doom voice in me pulled me away from all the beautiful things that had happened that day. The whole three steps forward, two back thing I discussed over the last few blogs, well it definitely came into play. 

I am trying very hard to still embrace the one step that is teetering and build on it again. So today, picked myself up, got up, dressed and took my walk. I perhaps did not walk as fast, but made it through. I forced myself to look up, smell flowers, admire the beauty around me, feel the sun on my face, listen to the birds cheerful chirping songs, and smile and chatty when I stopped to get my coffee. Embracing that step, tightening my grip on it ! How do you handle set backs? How do you continue forward when life often tries to pull you back in the other direction? For me it takes effort and to remind myself to notice the beautiful things that are around me still that are going nowhere. With that in mind here is one of my fav songs from Dr. Dolittle ( circa 1967) ...wish I could have found a video that had pictures....there are some film clip videos on You Tube, but they are not shareable. But enjoy listening all the same...and look for the beautiful things in your life.


1 comment:

  1. Ahh.. good versus evil. Classic case of it creeping in. ;-)


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