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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Blessings and Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about blessings and dreams as of late. Often we ignore and miss the blessings, fail to count them, and we often give up on our dreams, thinking they will always be just that or be too hard to achieve, or if we do, they will not measure up. Considering what is going on over the last few years with the economy, my own personal life, my health, and chatting with friends and family who are facing the same things or worse it is easy to just go about the daily act of living and take things for granted. 

With the east coast getting hit with first 5.8 earthquake and the after shocks this past week, and now facing hurricane Irene, it really brought to my mind the many blessings I have just brushed over and not embraced, saying my thanks for them, big and small. I certainly rarely allow myself to dream anymore, as many that I had that once came true, went up in smoke, or it has been years in the waiting and well I still am. It gets so very hard to keep dreams alive, one has to work at it. Guess the same is true for working at counting their blessings...being grateful. I try with my lists I make each night, but it seems so mechanical now, and at times even a chore. It should not be that way. To have anything to write down is in itself a blessing.

This week is a perfect example of counting blessings. Our notice of what our rent will raise to in November was stuck in our door. We were expecting 30-50.00 max. Last year was 35.00. As many of you readers know we nearly did not make it through the year before that raise, and it was rough going for a few months after. Well you may be asking why I am saying the rent going up is a blessing. I must be out of my mind right? Well, in a way, I am sure that I am. the reason I count it as one, is that at least for the moment, we have enough money to cover it on a monthly basis. It may mean not so many daycations. It may mean not so many snacks or meals out, and it may mean another small Christmas. But for now, hubbies job is going well enough, we should be ok. Then there is the fact that for now, our youngest has moved back in with us to help us out, as well as herself. So until she moves out, we are going to be ok. Sure I had my melt down day, then I stopped and really thought about it. Besides being a blessing it was also a sparking for my dreams to manifest once again...but more on that later.

The second thing that happened that was a blessing this week was the fire in Lincoln Ca, and our middle daughter, her fiance and their dog being evacuated for a couple days, along with most of the town. How is that a blessing you are now asking?! Well, on the second day of it all, she came over and we went to the local mall to do some window shopping. On the hunt for a blouse for her to wear in her engagement photos, perhaps some shoes, and some earrings. While walking around, just to window shop, we walked by Banana Republic, and in the window was a cream colored dress...will not give out more will have to wait till next June. We made a bee line for the dress, originally thinking that it would be her second dress, for the reception. There was two in her size, and she tried it on. When she opened the dressing room door, her face was glowing, her eyes dewy and she was smiling ear to ear...she said she thought THIS was her dress. Meaning her wedding dress. I asked what about the other, she said "who cares?!" She made me tear up as well, because it really was her dress. It may not be traditional, but that is not her anyway. The dress was perfect, and we both knew it. It fit like a glove, just in need of a nip in the shoulder area, and it made her glow. Out of a stressful time of leaving their home, and all their belongings, including the first dress behind, and fears they would not be coming back to it, there was a huge blessing of a meaningful moment that ever mother and daughter should share. By the way, the next day she found THE shoes too! 

Other blessings I missed was going to doctor this last week. I hate doctors. We do not have insurance, and they do not seem to care, ordering the pricey tests and not trying simple solutions first...well do not get me started. I was so very angry when I left. Two days later found out that a side effect of other issues is that I am very iron deficient and anemic. Of course it was suggested I go to my primary care doctor...well if I had insurance I would, but....the blessing in it was that having this confirmed motivates me to start working on my nutrition a bit more, get the pills I need, despite the added cost on the grocery bill, and hopefully in a few months, I will have more energy, my hair will stop falling out and I may just be able to not go through so much lotion from having sand paper skin! Hey gotta find those blessings where you can!! 

Now I mentioned dreams earlier in this post. Bet you thought I forgot! With the rent being raised on us, it began me dreaming of getting out of an apartment situation again. Two years and I am so over it. But I know most likely we have at least two more. First reason being our savings still is not enough to even get us into another apartment, never mind a home. If we were to get into a rental home, we would be needing a washer and drier as well...with my physical limitations, it is a must, laundry mats are just too hard for me to deal with. I figure if we can survive another couple of years without moving, maybe, just maybe we can find a rental home to live in till our savings and our credit are recovered from loosing our first home to short sale, and we can once again own. That is the dream. To own. It would not have to be a big home. Having gotten used to a smaller space, we do not own a lot of personal belongings. But simply a place to call home. Have some peace and quiet, start a small garden, and decorate the way we want...yes I am sick of beige! 

This was our home. A 1922 cottage.I adored this house, even with a few short comings. We held on as long as we could. The bank would not play ball. We finally walked away, if we could not pay, we would not stay. Not a day goes by I do not miss it. Not a single day.
I just want a small cottage to call my own.One that we could afford the monthly payments and have enough left to fix it up. A little two bedroom, with a porch and a small garden. This would be wonderful. If I could not it may never be possible, but I could see renting...even that would be an answer to a dream.
We do not need anything this big, but how I would adore driving up to where we live and feeling, no matter how small the house was, that it was "home".
I am doing my best to believe in dreams coming true, and not being yanked away from you like a child who has had his or her candy taken away. I pray nightly for what I call an Earth Angel. I know they are out there. I have seen it first hand! Our neighbors near our home we once owned were to be homeless in days! With two young children, one just a baby, a member of their church came to them and offered up a condo to live in. They could move in right away, it would be free of charge, and they could stay as long as needed to get on their feet. Now that was a pretty huge gift and dream to come true. But it did. This really happened. Now we do not belong to a church, so it narrows down where we may come in contact with one of these earth angels...certainly asking for a home is a pretty tall order, even bigger than looking for one to give me a new, healthy, pain free smile. But if you are going to dream, dream big right? If we were to save money on rent, we might be able to afford payments on my smile. A two for one!

I can not give up on the dream. I can not. I have been touched by so many Earth Angels in the last year and a half. So many I can not count on both my hands. Small ways, and some bigger. I believe it is because for years we took people in and gave them a place to live and food to eat, strangers and family alike. We gave shirts off our backs, and money we could not spare. we pitched in and helped those that needed it, never with expectations of receiving anything in return past a thank you. That is who we are, we, hubby and myself believe in Karma, paying it forward, paying it back and sideways too if we can. So why should it not come back around? If it does not, of course we will still be counting all our blessings, such as each day we can put food on the table, pay the rent and our bills and have a bit left over. And of course we will not forget or take for granted the small ones, such as good friends, and the ability to still laugh even during the worst of times! 

Remember to count your blessings, always dream and aim high, and of course GIGGLE! 

I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.W.B. Yeats

1 comment:

  1. Never stop believing.
    Good things will happen. They always do.
    Even in the midst of terrible things, there is always good to be found.
    best hopes and wishes for you

    beks xx


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