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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dear Santa....

Yes, I know , Santa is quite the flip from the prayer post of yesterday.  I also know I am far too old to believe in a magical old elf that delivers presents. But I can not help myself. I LOVE Santa. Maybe for what he represents, maybe for the real man who started the myth many centuries ago. Maybe cause like God, he represents hopes, dreams and making some wishes come true. Whatever the reason is I still adore Santa. 

I do not know if I shall put a tree up this year. It truly is undecided. I am still lacking the holiday spirit, not that I am a Grinch or a Scrooge.Though I am sure I have my moments AND I watch every version of both! EVERY YEAR! This year is just the hardest that we have ever been through and there has been some really bad ones.

I can recall one year when money was like it is now actually maybe just a tad better as there was actually going to be gifts under the tree; but my parents owned our home, so we could count on that. Regardless of  money we still donated to the food drive our church was having. We did not have much to spare, but we gave. There was worse off for sure. We came home one day to find a box on our porch with a donation from our church...we were we had even donated was in the box. So, we took what was donated, and we made PB&J's , home made cookies and fresh apples , then we put them in paper sacks that our three daughters had decorated and we drove up to the local Mission and handed out these sack lunches. I wanted the girls to see what those in need , more so than us were going through during the holiday. After with joy filled hearts we took a carousel ride my Mom had paid for and then stopped into a bagel shop and bought a cup of coco and a single bagel to share. One of the men we gave the sack lunch to walked by, and mouthed through the window "Thank You and God Bless" . We had been his Santa.

Another year, money still tight, fewer gifts were under the tree, but there was enough. HOWEVER our daughters being kids, well they still did not get it. They kept begging and whining about the lack of presents. So on Christmas Eve, during a really bad rain storm we made the girls unwrap three gifts , at random. We then piled in the car, the girls crying their little eyes out, drove thirty minutes to a shelter that had been gathering new gifts , trying desperately to have enough to pass out to those in need.  Their shelter had burned down, with all the gifts and food they had collected and it was slim pickings. When the girls saw the men's faces and heard what a blessing it was for them to receive the gifts to add to the baskets for the needy, they changed their attitudes and sung Christmas carols home the whole way home. 

There is a few stories like these that my family and I have experienced. Each one holds a special place in my heart and made what was to be a hard holiday one that would be become a most treasured and blessed one. This year though, this year there is not a single gift to be bought , no cards to send, no spare food to give. I have but a couple dollars in which to put into the red bucket and I simply just want the holiday to come and go. December represents even leaner times for my husband at work. It means my body hurts more, and this year the added pain of my teeth throbbing 24-7..and I can not boost the heat in the apartment to help ease those aches and pains. 

We did get Christmas a bit early as friends and family stepped up to pay our rent and our bills to see us through at least near the end of December. Trust me I feel blessed. I am grateful. Thankful to all those that stepped up. So I feel the spirit of the holidays...the spirit of Santa in others. I just can not seem to want to listen to carols, put up decorations and get into the hustle bustle that normally is all part of it. I have been trying to watch every sappy movie I can, and I still enjoy them. But they are not inspiring me . I look at everyone's photos of the trees already up, and think them lovely, but feel no urge to go and get the few things we kept from the move from the house to the apartment and decorate . No urge to start baking the cookies, or plan the holiday meal. I want to feel that way. Despite what is happening. Live in the dream world that is the holidays , at least always has been for me , of twinkling lights, flickering candles that smell of cinnamon , carols softly playing in the back ground and reading my novels that take place during the holidays while sipping hot apple cider. But it just is not happening. SO I thought maybe I would try a letter to Santa.

Letter's to Santa used to ring in the season for me . First as a child, then as a mother. And I hope one day as a Grandmother as well. I saw on another bloggers post, Destination Unknown  that she too was writing her list to Santa , so thought I would give it a whirl.
Dear Santa,
Been a long time since I have been in touch. I hope you remember me. I have a very detailed list this year. Not sure if it will fit under the tree. Maybe gift cards? I am going to try to be practical. Of course there is a long list of girly type things I want! But just not the year for them.

Top of my list is this.... A good month , maybe three and then some at work for my hubby. This would ease things up here at the home front. Actually since this is Christmas how about a year or more of good months. Would really like to not have to worry about being homeless with two cats in tow.

Next I would hope for a bit of spare money, just in time is fine ( I do not mind last minute shopping) to spend on my daughters and hubby for the holiday. A little gift for each to open would be wonderful.

For myself, I want a pretty tall order, I want dental implants. Clear Choice if possible. They can do them in one day you know! But if that can not be arranged, dentures. I just want to be able to smile and eat and not be in so much discomfort. I know , I know dentures will not be pain free and take a time to get used to, but I could make due. Better than what I have. Oh and could you make it so we can have dental insurance to cover most of it? That ties in to the first thing on my list by the way.

I am not sure what else to ask for. Those three things rather take care of it all. BUT if you want to combine it all together, then perhaps help us win Publishers Clearing House? Then I could see to it all on my own. Saving you a trip. I am considerate that way.

So think that pretty much covers the basics. But of course as always ( like back in the day), please take care of those less fortunate than us first, we will figure out how to make due till then. And no worries cookies for you and a few carrots for the reindeer will of course still be put out....PROMISE I will not forget.

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