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Friday, November 5, 2010

Pardon me while I ....

Today started out like any other day. I got up to my cat mooing at me..YES, she meows with her mouth shut. So it sounds like "mmmmmrrr" and "mmmmmoo" ...ODD I know. She , Bitty as we call her and her brother wanted their treats. I shuffled in to the kitchen. was not really sleeping anyways; another sleepless night, but caught up on reading. I counted out 10 pieces each and gave it to her and Koko, the 22 pound dumb as dirt, but too cute brother to Bitty. I decided after seeing the time that I could grab another bit of rest time. I put back in the green foam ear plugs, the ones that only keep out part of the noise...but seems to let the "mmmmmms" in.

I guess they also wanted ice in the water and me to be up so they can get into the bathroom and stare at me while I "go" ...again, odd, but an obsession of theirs. So up I got , again, weighed...hmmm down a bit. Dressed and got ready for my walk. I needed coffee. Had to have it. Only way to get it is to walk my 3 mile round trip ( I cheated today and took short cuts) the gas station is right by the apartment. It motivates me to walk faster, drink my bottle of water and hurry up cause after doing so I have to pee a river and am no where near a place to do it....well unless I cross the busy streets, across parking lots and into the rear of stores...home is closer.

I grabbed my paper cup and sleeve. You can smell the fresh brew. I pumped the Pumpkin Pie flavor into my 20 ounce cup. Dear God I need this in my veins! Mornings are wonderful, fresh coffee, tooth pain and fibro not quite as bad and did I say COFFEE?? So , filling it nearly to the top I cross the isle, pump in the REAL half and half, then add two of the yellow packets and pop the lid on. I am good to go. I walk to the counter, say my hellos ( I know everyone there) and run my card. BEEP! Did not go through. I try again. BEEP! What the heck?? I have money in the account. Should be quite a bit. My Christmas fund is there, my manicure fund for the next month is there. My buffer is there. My COFFEE money is there to get me through Monday. We try a plastic bag over it , did not work. People are lining up. The cashier tells me to go. To catch her tomorrow with the cash. I walk across the street, the parking lot and not even thinking that soon I will be in need of a rest room, into the bank.

I describe what happened. Assuring them I have enough to cover a darn cup of Coffee. I am sure it is a glitch with my card. I use it a lot. I have worn it out. Sipping my coffee, I follow Lorene to her desk. She is smiling, and then the smile disappears. Our account is over drawn by nearly 1000.00!!!!! How is that possible? I start shaking. Tears are welling up. Voice is quivering. Meanwhile I am also now doing the potty dance in the chair. She is so kind, says "Let's figure this out" and says "do you have an online account?" I state that we do, I do not have access. She is a bit shocked. My husband always takes care of it. Hearing myself say that I feel like I am an idiot. She sets one up for doing so, asks for my Social Security number. I do not know it, do not have a card, need to replace it, my husband has it and I can not call him as he is in a meeting...she calms me and tells me she will "find me" and we will get one set up. Wants to set up fraud protection, I can not afford the 1.00 for the trial...she does it anyway, feeling bad that now I am freaking out over 1.00. Potty Dance worsens...but it just looks as if I am shaking from being so stressed....and I was to some extent.

Suddenly , as we look at the account and I see that we have been hit with a 216.00 charge from a credit line. "If I had 216.00 a month, why would I need one I say?" Then it dawns on me. Back in August we received an envelope that contains loans papers...a loan supposedly my Husband has taken out. I had called him and FREAKED! But thank God ..well sort of.... he had not done so. He calls the company and reports it as a fraud. He calls our bank and reports it as a fraud and put a stop payment on anything coming in from this company. Nothing had hit...or so we thought. We were assured all would be handled and was ok. My husband had apparently missed, though I have no idea how, THREE MONTHS of payments on this fraud loan. Stop payment did not kick in or catch it, though we had been charged for it.

I sat there, said "Pardon me while I have a break down, this is the last thing I can handle." Suddenly I spew out all that I am dealing with. I mention my Dad and his surgery, and now the money my Mom gave us was gone, how do I tell her? I say that my fibro was already off the charts....she has a Mother in Law who has it...she was so sweet and understanding while I was loosing it, quietly and with dignity mind you..I did not sob...much. As we went over the account and got everything set up, all my woes flood out. Must be the blogger in me I think, I never used to blurt out each and every thing going wrong in my life...if asked how my day was going , would say "GREAT!" and smile , make it believable. But as of late, as you know I have opened my life, and posted it out there for all the world to see/read. Good, Bad and everything in between. So here I am in the bank, having an emotional break down. Lorene looks at me, saying " You poor dear!" and " My heart goes out to you" . I just keep saying I am so sorry to be breaking down like this in front of her...and blame it on being a blogger!!!

We make an appointment for Tuesday , "We will set up a new account then, deal with the fraud and see what we can do to fix things...hopefully you qualify for a loan to consolidate bills and balance the accounts and create a savings." Yeah, "hopefully" I think. I stand, I thank her. Is it my imagination that everyone is staring? I get out of the bank as fast as I can..besides needing to use the restroom I just want to call my husband and spew all over him.

I dial him up and do just that. Then ask him how he could miss this. How could he mess up our accounts? "FIX it !!" I rush home ..not wanting to stop in the grocery store our youngest works at  to use the rest room, if she sees me, or one of the workers that I know, they would certainly call an ambulance or the padded truck! I practically run home, run up the stairs, run to the bathroom and as I do, I sob. The cats of course ran after me, not wanting to waste a chance to watch me pee, and "moooo" at me.

I finish. Both the crying and the , well you know. I call my parents. My Dad answers. He NEVER answers. I am not to stress him, not to worry him, the man is to have his chest cracked open on Wednesday....NO BAD NEWS! I compose myself. He asks why I am out of breath. I told him I just nearly ran home...did not tell him why. He was glad I was exercising. I avoid all bad subjects. tell him only good things. Get him to laugh. I hang up and dial my Mom's cell. No answer. I sob again. Phone rings and I now spew all over her via the phone lines. She is upset for me, but as I tell my story, SHE LAUGHS! Says to me that I should write a blog about it. That it will inform others about identity theft, and make them smile and laugh too. I sob more. She asks if I asked Dad for money. ARE YOU KIDDING??? Even if my Dad was not about to drop dead at any moment ( I mean it, that is what the Doctors are saying) I would NOT be able to ask for that kind of money..has killed me that my Mom has sent money as of recently. I do not even like to accept my free coffee at the gas station when my punch card is full!!! I hang up , I need to drive to our middle daughters house and wait for the phone guy while she is at work..promising to call when I know more.

I am about to fix a Pop Tart, I know my teeth will ache and I shall have to break it into tiny pieces, but I need sugar. It is 11:30 a.m. and I have not eaten. the phone rings. It is daughter number one. I spew all over her. I sob. I need to go before I go...cats follow me of course.

I manage to eat nibbles and not wince too much of the Pop Tart. I drive , music blaring. Adam Lambert. I arrive at daughter number two's house. I beat her home. It is the new house her and her boyfriend are moving into. Cable guy is due soon. I sob. I miss our home we lost. I mourn the ability to decorate how I want. I mourn a back yard. I sit down. NUMB. She shows up shortly after with Jamba Juice. I say "it needs liquor in it." her eyes go BIG and she asks why. I spew. I nearly sob and then I quietly sip on the smoothie....I tell her "Pardon me while I decompress." I stay, I help un-pack, help arrange, "play house" try to enjoy her excitement and cheer her up out of her exhaustion...that is what Mom's do I leave, as her boyfriend is home now...I say " time for a drink." Daughter makes a comment and then says she will fill him in...I say "Good. I simply have no more sobs in me" .

It is not even 4 pm when I get back. A long day already. I have no idea what to do with what is left of it. So here I sit. Not sobbing, but certainly spewing. Now I am done, so "Pardon me" while I figure out how to get that darn wine bottle open.


  1. I back you up with the bottle. I belong to the same club as you do some days.
    Hang tough, stay strong and say 'Down the hatch' when you lift your glass.

  2. I am so sorry, Steph! It seems you are really being tested. Stay strong, please! Love ya!

  3. Geez, Steph...sometimes I think you are living my life or vice a versa. My husband and I were victims of identity theft over three years ago. It was a nightmare. It affected our credit....and to this day is still a pain in the ass. However.......It does get better. husband takes care of finances too...hmmm....maybe there is a subliminal message in there somewhere. Take will all work out. I haven't made a blog post since Oct 26th...I have writers block or something. But this post reminded me of a lot of stories I still have to share. Thanks!!!! Hang will all work out...I know I already said that. But it always does.

  4. There is nothing more frightening -- I know. Happened to me, twice, once through the checking account and once through someone out West being added to my credit card! This will all work out but my heart goes out to you during the journey... Try not to think of your cats staring at you during ablutions so much as ADORING you and needing to have you near them... I'm so sorry. {{{HUGS}}}

  5. All we can do is keep putting one foot infront of the other. Just know that here are people out there who are thinking of you and praying for you to find peace from your financial troubles and peace from your pain.

  6. Oh my crap. What a suckfest of a day! I'm so sorry friend. :(

  7. Well, no wonder you were having trouble smiling!!! You poor girl!! Just remember things will get better...they will! From the sound of it you have a loving family and friends who will help you get through this...I'm sending you tons of well wishes & healing thoughts for your Dad too!! xoxo

  8. I feel so bad that I'm just reading this today. I'm a horrible Blog deepest apologizes. I've been so caught up in my life and stressing that I've neglected my friends.

    I'm so incredibly sorry about what is going on. Fraud....what a nightmare! I hope the bank is able to reverse the charges and help the situation.

    Thanks for blogging about this...your Mom was's good to let it all go and, also, spread the word about identity fraud. It can happen to anyone. So scary.

    Thinking of you!


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