What has not sucked is the outpouring of love and friendship, support and prayers. A couple have gone over and above, they know who they are, but they may just keep a roof over our head for one more month...that just blows my mind! I have always had the support of many people that I have never met, and that has always amazed me...but then I always support many who do not know me. I even support TV, music and movie stars when they post a Tweet , I reply, show them support and love. Never matters if they reply back. I am ok with that. I really do not expect it. Though this last week two did, and THAT was something that even in the middle of my tears brightened my day. I do not know why, they are just people. But it is one of my favorite things when they do.
Another favorite thing is the time I spend with my daughters. My middle daughter Rebecca is now all grown up, she will be 22 this next week. Her and her BF just got their first home together, no roomies, really solidified that she is an adult...even though she has been like one since she was 2! She helps run a household. She is cooking ( with our help) and hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year! We simply can not afford the food for it. We are so grateful. It is a favorite thing of mine to spend a couple hours with her and walk to the local shopping area. We window and dream shop, it is hard on me as I know I shall only be able to dream. But it is the time with her that makes it easier to swallow that fact. It is hard when she can shop and it is harder yet when she offers to buy me a drink knowing I do not even have the money for a cup of coffee....but I guess it is also one of my favorite things as it reminds me of when she was little and said " Mommy, when I grow up, I will be rich and take care of you" ...well she is not rich, but she makes me feel very cared for.
Another favorite thing, kind of realized it today, is when I hurt maybe a little bit less, and I can clean our apartment. Odd thing to have it be a favorite thing, but right now with nothing to hold onto, with no money for any extras , no matter how small, I must find things that are free and can happen no matter what to cling to. So a day where my hands work a bit better, and my body can get up and down off the step ladder and my shoulder does not hurt and make me wince so I can wipe the stove down on my own...it is a favorite thing. I actually enjoy cleaning. The act of making my space clean and presentable. Bit old fashioned maybe; always said I was born in wrong era. Had a bit of a Leave it to Beaver Mom complex.
Something else that is a favorite thing...and well rather inspired by the song, my cats, the wet nose kisses, the purring the cute rolling around and stretches, the way they talk to me and tell me it is time to get up or to be fed...even if I complain. Sharing a sunny spot. Even them stealing my seat or taking over the bed. They cost us money we can not spare between the food and the litter...way more...we give up a lot of food for them to have a potty box, nibbles and treats. But they give me so much in return it is worth it. Now that my children are all grown, they are my children.
While on a roll, I like my morning walks, even if I miss stopping at the gas station, seeing Jean and getting that wonderful Pumpkin coffee and a doughnut. But I enjoy saying "good morning" to the crossing guard, now that it is Fall, the chill in the air and the leaves falling and rustling in front of me. The colors, are so vibrant and beautiful ...I also love that no matter how much it hurts, I can still do it. I may feel it at the end of the day, and I can live with that.
Show tunes, Tango Music, 1980's to Opera I love music. It has the ability to fit the occasion. If I am sad and need to cry, if I am in the mood to dance, if I simply just want to relax, music is always something that does not cost a dime. Radio broadcasts are still free. Recently, no matter how much I do not want it to be GLEE is one of my new favorite things...I have been catching up on last years shows and this years and when dealing with all the darkness in my life , they allowed me to cry with the characters, laugh with them and have my heart swell as well, and other days , just veg with my cup of tea and escape from all that was going on....that HAS to be a favorite thing right now!
Hats, I love hats. I love gloves, red lips, cozy sweaters,Channel #5 and my painted nails I may not be able to buy any of these things right now, but I own a few and have the polish and red lipsticks , so I can still have my favorite things. I love going to my favorite shops and trying on the hats , ohhing and ahhing over the gloves and beautiful sweaters that are there now...allowing myself to enjoy the shopping experience was easier than I thought today....but then if I had been alone, I might have blubbered behind my Jackie O sunglasses. But it was important that even though I can not have these pretties I can still admire them...and move on...or try to.
The holidays, well they were one of my favorite things. Sadly where last year was hard, this year , well I am not even motivated to put up a tree and I would rather it all speed up and get past it already. To me, though I KNOW, logically gifts are not what the reason for the season is....I am a giver. I would give till I have nothing else, and I have given even when I have nothing. It is who I am , who I shall always be. But this year, well painful subject. But down deep, I LOVE the carols, I love the decorations, the sights, the smells, the feel. I would get my photo taken with Santa if I could. I love the red bucket and shall still dump my change in it , even if it is just a few pennies...it adds up. A new friend from Twitter today sent me via email the entire GLEE Christmas album ...I will have a CD burned soon and it shall be playing while I clean house. All the books beside my bed this time of year is always Christmas themed. I watch every special, made for TV , sappy, predictable movie, the reruns, the marathons. I can not get enough.I think with all that has happened it is one of the things that hurt the most that we will not have Christmas. No party like last year, when though things were tough we managed. No gifts to shop for or wrap. I love going to the stores and seeing all the decorations...doing as we did today and sipping hot apple cider while carols played....I do think it is horrible that Thanksgiving gets more ignored each year, but for me , even though I complain, Christmas never lasts long enough.
I could go on and on about so many things , but instead I shall end here .I think I did good, despite being in a down place at the moment , having done my best to not be too much of a "Debbie Downer"....OH, and good news....my Dad made it through his triple bypass, and is still in ICU for one more day, but was sitting up and talking some...and right now I am ok with that and it is my number one FAVORITE THING!