The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Now I am sure Shakespear had something much different in mind when he wrote this line in Othello, at least different than what it brings to my mind on this day. My thief is Fibromyalgia. It has robbed me from my early twenties ( even before I knew it was doing it) like a thief in the night of my youth and vitality. At first I did not know it was there, then it became more and more blatant, a daring thief, no longer hiding in the shadows, no longer making me question what it was that made me hurt so, made me unable to live the life I want or be the person I once was. But despite it all, I continue to try to smile, each and every day. I do that with actual smiles and laughter, but also with what I manage to still do physically each day, fighting through the pain . To me that is my way of stealing something back from the thief.
The last few days is no different. The weather has made my day to day pain worse than ever. I still got out and walked , every break in the rain, despite the wind and the cold, I walked my 2-3 miles. One foot in front of the other I made it through my route. By the time I reached home I was exhausted from walking against the wind, but exhilarated and smiling ear to ear that I had done it. It took everything out of me and it would be all I could do to slip off my shoes, grab a cup of tea and sit down gingerly on the couch till I could find more energy for a shower. It was worth it to show Fibromyalgia who the boss was.
Yesterday it was no different. Except that I could not stop. Our daughters and boyfriends were coming over and our oldest was to be on Skype with hers. I needed to clean the apartment, fix my hair and put make up on . I did not have the luxury to just take a hot shower and get back into my Pjs and let the dust sit on the surface of things or not vac up the cat fur off the couch. I had to spruce the apartment and myself up, finish wrapping, make the cider, bake the ginger bread and put on my best smile for my family. I was rewarded with smiles and laughter and good company...not to mention a few presents that I was not expecting. Sadly the thief robbed me of most of the joy when I tossed and turned all night in throbbing pain. Everything hurt, from each individual tooth pulsating in rhythmic beats, to GI issues from the sweets, and exhaustion that makes you too tired to sleep and well the all over aches that seem to run into each other that even if you could jolt you awake again. One point to me side though. My smile and the memories from last night tell me I would do it all over again!
The thief aka fibro is a nasty character though and works very hard at robbing me at doing much of anything after such a merry night. Today was a nearly impossible day to reply back with a smile to. We had to do our grocery shopping and that means in and out of the car at three stores, up and down each isle looking for the best way to cut corners to fit our small food budget and still eat as healthy as possible. It was more of a chore than usual. The nausea, the throbbing teeth, jaw pain and head ache made me have a touch of vertigo, the physical pain and exhaustion was overwhelming and I felt as if I have the worst flu ever...have not felt like this in sometime. That darn thief now gets a notch in it's belt.
I am however determined to get one up on it , shower, try to shake it all off and push through and smile a great big huge ( be it pain filled) smile right back at it and make some chili for dinner, perhaps open a nice bottle of wine and watch a funny movie so I can laugh and enjoy my husbands company on his day off. That will show that darn thief!