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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Taking Time To Rest

 **Warning sensitive subject issues.

Living with fibro, you learn to live with the unexpected twists and turns the disorder brings. The most recent has been a slew of stomach issues, more than likely compounded by my anemia in a huge flair. I began taking supplements with iron for the anemia and at first it was not affecting me. See on top of being anemic I am also very sensitive to iron, be it from pills or food....sadly a loose~loose thing. With anemia you have many of the same symptoms of hypothyroid issues and for me it is compounded more by the fibromyalgia. Vicious circle.  I had to make a choice a couple of weeks ago, fight the anemia and risk side effects from the iron and see how my fibro symptoms would react, or ignore the anemia , and all that goes with it..exhaustion, shortness of breath, super dry skin, hair falling out and the cravings to chew ice being non stop ( called pica) . I decided to take a leap of faith and hope and get a supplement.

*Warning here it is....will be quick I promise.

The first week I seemed just fine. No side effects. I was joy filled as I thought perhaps my body had finally built up a tolerance. No such chance. Suddenly after dinner one night I had to then camp out in the restroom. Then the next, and the third night was the worst. But I did not put two and two together. As normally iron does the opposite to people. It is common. I thought perhaps it was hormones. The timing was right. I was in such agony that I finally gave in and had a Imodium. I never like to do that, it swings me so far the other way, but that night I took two. Then I paid for it.A week passed and now I was watching myself swing the other way and my belly and discomfort grew. Sleep became disrupted. I stopped walking, just could not get off the couch. This was what I was afraid of. So, breaking down I drank a special tea I have and well of course then it all goes the other way ...normally life gets back normal. Not so this time. Two days later and I look three months pregnant and my belly is as hard. I am not feeling well at all.

Today was my doctors appointment. Thank goodness for our tax return, with no insurance doctors appointments do not happen for me. I am used to being under a doctors care and I have not been in a couple of years. I got my lady exam. I was informed I have an enlarged uterus and possibly fibroids. I was at 10 week size...YES they compare it to pregnancy. I had gained weight this past week, three pounds...thought it was the other issues. Apparently they are showing up because of the now existing  female issues. The doctor asked me if I had been told this before? I had been told years ago it was tipped, but would not effect my health. So knee jerk answer I said "yes," thinking it was basically the same. It is related, but not the same. She said currently it is nothing to be concerned about, currently. They may even go away with onset of menopause...whenever that happens.  There is a history of such problems in my family. I have had friends that had fibroid issues so painful and that grew so much that there had to be surgery. This all ran through my head, and while it answered so many issues I have had over the years in that area of my body ( said the fibroid(s) could have formed at childbirth) but for me opened a whole bigger can of worms and worry. We only could afford this exam because we will be getting a tax return that will pay for it. What if something more serious happens?

Now I know, I should not go there. Does not help, and I am doing so well at staying positive about all my other health issues, even my dental issues, but female issues, scare me....especially with no insurance. The only other issue was that I have high blood pressure. I have white coat syndrome, but with my Mom and my Dad and other relatives having issues with high blood pressure and being on meds, well once again it was something I new, but had put out of my head, so it being brought up really just added to things. There is nothing that can be done till we have insurance and more money for meds and treatment. All this just really brought home where we are in life right now. Our current situation and brings to light old fears about my health and how to deal with it all on my own. I put on a strong positive face in the light of all that I deal with, all the pain, discomfort and special needs I have , but inside I am quivery jelly...fearful of what the next unexpected turn in my health will be.

I left and took a long walk on a local trail, stopping to watch squirrels and then ducks, enjoying the time to myself, being surrounded by nature. But once I came home, and the belly was aching, my body throbbing from the fibro and the doctors words resonating my head, well all I could do was take time to rest. Put my feet up, cup of hot tea, Bitty my sweet black cat at my feet and try to just let it all fall away. Get lost in the television show and clear my mind. Sometimes, when life hands you a few set backs that is what you have to do...take time off, even if for an hour, put your feet up, and rest and relax so that you can be ready to take whatever is going on in stride and with a positive mind set...because no matter what it may be, if you do that one simple thing it will not seem so very overwhelming and that is always a good thing!

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