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Boundaries. We all need them. However it is often quite hard to create strong ones, seems that someone is always able to breech them one way or another; we weaken our resolve and the boundaries we set dissipate. I was just having this discussion with my middle daughter who was stressed and exhausted with all that she has on her plate, and she was telling me that she has a hard time saying no; setting boundaries.
I know I have often had the same feeling through out my life. I am a people pleaser, I have the need to have people like and accept me..I shall not go all deep on you with this subject, but I see my daughters having the same issues. Anyway, as with what has happened in the past with reading The Queen Of Your Own Life, often what is going on in my life currently is reflected among the pages of the book. This weeks chapter is titled
ESTABLISH FIRM BOUNDARIES THAT WILL STRENGTHEN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...or...The Huns Are at the Border. Perfect don't you think for what I was chatting about above?
The entire chapter is about setting boundaries, be it with your friends, your family, your co-workers, anyone in your life really. It discusses setting guidelines, limitations and being honest as well as being able to say the word "no" when you need to. Warding off the "Huns" that attack your boundaries with the power that honesty gives you. Doing this is a gift to yourself, the best one ever and that to be a true Queen one that you must achieve. The authors admit it is not an easy skill to master, and believe me I have learned that the hard way and I am still working on it on a daily basis. Honesty with yourself and those around you is the first and foremost step in this.
The foundation, the "court" you have surrounded yourself with that comprise of your fellow Queens or LIW (like I discussed last week), be it a court comprised of family members, friends or maybe a mix of the two; it should be built on honesty as well. They are your support system, who you can lean and count on...they should understand and accept your boundaries. Chapter six walks you through the steps of how to do this with stories of both the authors and others struggle with this task, wonderful "Crown Jewels"; quotes about honesty, courage, strength and so much more. There is a step by step guide on how to work on it in your own life as well. And of course there is the wonderful Royal Proclamation that as always helps if you repeat it daily to help keep that crown dusted off. As always I urge you to purchase the book and see for yourself!
"I decree from this day forth, I will embrace
the power of "no." I will mean what I say
and say what I mean.
When confronted by a Hun at my border,
I will not be afraid. I will ask myself,
"What would Mimi* say?" Then I'll add
the love and set up my boundary.
I Queen Up well."
* Mimi is the character Kathy Kinney,
one of the authors played on The Drew Carey Show