Sometimes....

Sometimes I feel as if i live in the middle of a slap stick comedy movie of the past. You know, like the Three Stooges where no matter how much they try it seems everything goes upside down on them and ends up in a horrible mess.  Upon the failure to get bid #9 accepted, learning it was not what we bid, but simply that it was the fact that we did not bid cash, coming home and having my garbage disposal develop a crack and start leaking and well a few other things happening, I did feel that way yesterday.... I have been feeling that way since this whole house process began.  That feeling got confirmed today upon learning that apparently because of only the lowest credit score being counted when FHA loan applications are run, and my credit not mattering, we suddenly have even less to work with and not the amount that we were quoted as having been pre-qualified with the second lender... not even the one that cheated us out of a house so many months ago now. That one still claims we have quite a bit more than what now TWO other lenders are saying we have to work with.  When I heard the numbers it felt as if I had been hit on the head with a frying pan and was seeing birds and stars swirling about my head. The current numbers will not even get us anything past a shack in the mountains with no running water or electricity.  What we thought, and were told was our loop hole for getting a loan and a home before the 3 year mark after a short sale, leaving my husband off the loan and using our daughter, has back fired. 

I have spent the day and part of yesterday as well getting answers and feeling as if I am in an Abbot and Costello routine of "Who's on First" , and a game of telephone all at once. At this point I do not even know if we should continue until after the first of the year based on the information I have been given when perhaps our daughter's credit score will go up, our amount we can then pre-qualify for goes up (possibly) and maybe just maybe, God willing, all the hedge funds, investors, flippers, and oddly numerous amounts of cash buyers die off and maybe inventory of homes go up. I feel in my gut as if we missed the boat and nothing will fall in line. My gut has rarely been wrong... it has always been when I ignore it that the comedy of errors happen. However the desire to own a home, seems to over ride this gut feeling over and over.... and really I can not understand why? To avoid stairs, to be able to paint walls any color I like,  to have a garden of my own... to also take on all the cost and work a home creates... is it worth it? Why do I want it so badly. I have been asking myself that for weeks now and can not come up with a decent answer. Especially when you throw in what all this stress has done to my physical and mental health. I really wish someone could answer this for me. 

 I am trying to figure out why when something keeps giving me the same results, I keep trying it, though nothing has changed ( at least for the better) , and expect different results. It baffles me. To be assured I am taking no joy in the rejections, the realization of what kind of home we may end up with , if we end up with one, or the constant stress of feeling like we are being burned by people that are supposed to be the professionals.  I would much rather be content, go about my day with nothing more on my mind than what to fix for supper and which book to read next and perhaps what flavor of tea to brew next and if I should finally get to that craft project I have been meaning to do, but have been unable to concentrate on. I need and crave the simple life, but it seems I have gone polar opposite of that.... and thus I am back to living in a slap stick comedy of errors and misfortune and not knowing how to cope with that. Guess until I figure that out the show will go on.  I shall continue to try to get a firm answer on our pre-approved and confirmed amount, continue to watch the portal, see homes and then more homes, and perhaps even bid on house number 10, 11, 12 and on and on and on till we get a yes.