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Monday, September 16, 2013

Fall Back....


The title has so much more meaning than what ya'll may think it does. Yes, this is indeed the final week of Summer, and soon Fall/Autumn will be upon us and soon after that of course we all "fall back"... though we do have a couple of months till the latter happens. So what does it mean within the context of the title I am using today? Well, it is two fold. One is in dealing with my health, which sadly has fallen back into a horrid pattern of pain and discomfort and the other is a much happier note, as I plan to share the touches of Fall that I have added here to Muse Cottage, warming up the four walls that I am so very often within. 

If you follow my blog on a regular basis, you know that I have over the last several months suffered from several UTI's, debilitating ones, round after round of medication. So many weeks of being stuck at home, unable to leave from the pain and the urgency surrounding suffering as I have. We have spent hundreds of dollars, and I have been at the clinic over and over, so much so that I was just given medication without even any tests. I had recently had gone two whole months without one, and even was able to go out on a daycation finally, to the coast, and enjoy myself as I had once done. Well two weeks ago I suddenly felt the familiar twinges, ladies you know what I mean, and then the urgency began. I went to the clinic and while sitting there, my stomach began to distend, something that began happening with the last really bad one I had many months ago, back in May....I looked 6 months pregnant and it was hard as a rock. I asked to use the restroom, and could not go. The doctor prescribed the same meds as always and did not even run a test, and told me to get a culture at a local lab if symptoms did not improve. I spent days, and nights, in pain, pain so bad that I could not sit, lay down and barely could walk. I lived in the restroom, and it took till the next morning of the following day after the attack to be able to finally actually use it... and then it was not much. I was frightened... this had never happened, ever! With no insurance, all I could do was pace in the restroom and stand in the shower... it was the only way to get through the night and then the days that followed. I finally went to get the culture when I could be out of the restroom long enough to drive to the lab in the next town over. It was not easy. It was painful. I spent the next few days with backaches, urgency and frequency, and began to even have accidents... yes, I know, this may be TOO MUCH INFORMATION... but it may strike a chord with someone out there that is reading this and may be suffering as I have. To continue on, it finally came to Tuesday and no word from the doctor about the lab results... when finally I broke down and called, and was informed there was not a single sign of bacteria. What I was suffering from, was not a UTI.... it was one of two things, or both combined, given my symptoms. It would seem the doctor believed it was due to my fibroids swelling OR it was Interstitial cystitis . I.C. is a chronic inflammation of the bladder wall. Of course bladder cancer was also mentioned, but I am trying very, very hard to not think of that. The idea of having I.C. is scary enough! If dietary changes do not work, most of which would mean giving up just about everything I love as far as food and drink. The medications suggested are also scary and the few procedures that can be done are even more scary... all have no real guarantee. There is no cure. They do not even know what causes it, though it has been linked heavily to those of us with fibromyalgia.... lucky me. It is also very hard to diagnose. It WAS suggested the last time I had this happen, back in May and suffered for months, as mentioned, that I.C. may be the culprit, by another doctor, but there was times when I went in, when it was an UTI, so I brushed the suggestion aside. Now I can no longer deny it.

 It is hard to cope with the fact that most likely have yet another disorder that will rob me of life and how I want to live it. It already had an impact over the last few months and recently, with needing to cancel trips, outings, and even the visit of my Mom, who was here from Texas, and I could not spend as good a quality time with her as I truly wanted. It is already isolating me even from my husband and my family and even here, and my FB fan page... I do not have the energy, and well for a time I could not sit long enough to type a single word, even now it is not easy and I am very uncomfortable. I do not wish to have this thing beat me down, I want to fight, but how does one fight what one reads nothing but negative information about, information that offers little to no hope? Currently I have fought back with jokes about my plight, about my swollen belly, the waddle that has come from it, even the few accidents that I have had. I have smiled and laughed and hid my tears and discomfort to the very best of my ability... it is not easy, let me tell you. It has at times had me falling back into myself, unable to reach out to anyone. The only way I am doing so now is by forcing myself, in case, as mentioned, there may be one of you that is suffering as well... and the one reason I started this page so long ago, was to reach out to others, inspire others, and show that one can over come anything life hands them.... and the only way I am going to do that this time is to post about it. It may not remove my physical pain, but perhaps lift my mental pain. Of course I still have hope that it is the fibroids, blocking the urinary track and causing this to happen,  and I can one day have them removed and thus improve my bladder health.... I would love to once again resemble the woman in the photo above, instead of looking and feeling like only a shadow version.  

Now onto happier things.....

As mentioned, this post is two fold. Since I have been stuck at home, and could not sit or lay down, sleep was not happening and I was turning into a prune with living in the shower, I made hubby bring in the Fall decor from the shed and I decorated the living room and adjoining spaces with touches of the season (next to Spring) that I love most.  So here is a few snap shots of what I have added to warm up the four walls of Muse Cottage....

Replacing daisies and adding burlap flowers AND
displaying my natures treasures add a nice touch to my
shelves above my desk.

Switching out the spring flowers, and twigs I
once had in here, and adding in "sugared"
pumpkins, fall leaves, and "crystal" berries,
but leaving my little fairy adds a nice touch next to the couch.

I switched out oatmeal colored throws for brown, brought in the red throw, and added pumpkins in
the basket that once held green plants.... even the artwork helps to add that warm feeling.

Hobby Lobby bird houses, and a branch from a tree brings the garden
feeling in.

Just because it is Fall does not mean you can
not have Dragonflies about. The colors make it perfect!

Pumpkins and Burlap

The mantle..... and

Natural touches, birds, twig pumpkins, felted and wooden acorns and
of course colorful leaves.....

...more birds....

Of course you have to have a squirrel.. this one holds a tea light.

This is Chester

A little sparkle and a flutterby add that special touch. 
Even a corner in the kitchen ....

...and the area between the kitchen and the dining room
received touches. 

So, how is that for a blended subject matter and a way to tie it all together??? I hope you all were ok with that? I just felt moved to share, and shine a light on why I have been hit and miss with posting. I can not promise how often I shall be posting, but know I will always find a way from time to time to share life here at Muse Cottage with you.... now it is time for me to go play among the faeries again until next time we meet... 

This little guy has been waiting patiently *wink*


  1. I am SO SO sorry for your health problems. I used to have a friend who had IC. I hope you are seeing a specialist and not just a general MD. It makes my knee problem pale in comparison for sure. I so hope you can find some relief and some definite answers! Your living room is looking so pretty though!

  2. Hi Ruby ~ Although I'm sorry to read about your health issues, it was uplifting to know you are able to reach out in spite of your pain. I loved seeing the special Fall touches in your cozy cottage. I will light a candle for you, and send my best wishes that you receive excellent care and relief soon.


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