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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Pleasures and Dreams

So much of my blogs as of late have been very serious. Not really about pleasurable things. I wanted to remove that little header that I once liked. I feel it pigeon holes me too much. Life is not always pleasurable on a daily basis. Oh sure, even on the worst of days I am able to find some small pleasure.Some small joy. A reason to smile and laugh out loud. 

There is a misconception that I am perhaps depressed and  do not know it. That I am blue. Or a funk 24-7. Truthfully , ok on some levels maybe the latter two. I am fighting brain chemistry altered by the fibromyalgia and well I do hurt all the time and I am a chronic insomniac ,  it does get hard at times to not slip into those things. As does the fact of having far too much alone time on my hands and being away from my family and friends in TX and no one here but my wonderful husband ( who is always at work) and our two youngest daughters ( who have their own lives) . But believe it or not I do have things that bring me pleasure, I have hopes and dreams that are not all centered around my health.

A reader suggested that I share some of them instead of posting the Hard Hat and Pearls post that was planned, I shall instead put that off a day or two and post on the positive things ....the things that I enjoy, the things I dream about.

I shall start with the things I dream about. I dream of winning Publishers Clearing House. Who doesn't ? It would be so grand to finally win after entering daily since 18. I dream , while I walk in the morning, what would I do with the money? It never changes. 

I would first pay off the bills for myself, my daughters and my parents....well depending on the winnings. Then they could afford to do for themselves what they need or want to do. Well on hitch, the middle daughter does not have any outstanding bills, so maybe a new car?  If I won enough new cars all around would be included. Not pricey little numbers, just practical and not old and falling apart. 

Second, I would move out of this apartment and into a home. Paid in full. Money in the bank to cover all expenses....we are talking about dreams remember? I would not need a big home. Been there done that. Nope, I want a small , home with enough storage, and a big kitchen , even if the rest of the rooms are smaller. I want a fireplace, and there has to be the perfect window for the Christmas tree, so that the whole space did not have to be re-arranged when it is that time of year....OH and a dining space big enough for our whole family to gather. I would love to be able to walk into furniture stores and buy what I want and not just want I can afford. No compromises...does not mean that I would not adhere to a budget, that is just who I am . Always have been. 

I can envision the kitchen. I want white or black shiny laminate cabinets, the kind that you see in the IKEA adds right now. The counter tops would be the granite that sparkles of course either black if I had white cabinets or off white if I had black cabinets! Like diamonds! I would want ones over the large island made of part butcher block and part marble, great for cooking and baking...along with pot lighting for tasks. The handles on the cabinets would be silver or Lucite. The back splash would be an pearl tone glass tile ..loads of sparkle! The floors would be a pale cream or deep ebony. It would be a jewel box . There would be space to eat in the morning with two wing back chairs and a small table, near a window that overlooked the garden. Yes, of course there would be a garden....I can hear the fountain, and the birds chirping and the humming birds buzzing over the flowers. There would be trees and it would be all bricked in with loads of roses in planters all around the perimeter..of course I would also have herbs, and so many flowers that are there to draw in butterflies, and those humming birds. I would have a lovely swing, and a comfy seating group and a fire I have always wanted a fire pit. There would also be a Koi Pond so I could spend the mid morning time feeding them and just meditating in a way while they swam around. 

My interior decor would be that of deep rich colors and comfort. I am not entirely sure of the colors of the walls or the furniture, the home itself would have to inspire...but no matter how many times I try to go light and bright, I end up with dark rich colors, ones that make you want to snuggle in , no matter the time of year....I have always wanted to do a white and black scheme though, so you never know, and it would tie in with the kitchen....I could always add in my pops of rich colors...Think Zgallerie all the way with the decor!  A mix of Audrey Hepburn and other old Hollywood Glam icons being the influence. 

I would travel of course. I have always wanted to see Europe. All parts. I also want to see more of the United States and go off the beaten paths....maybe travel via Motor Home and Train . I would see family and friends and make new ones as well.

I would no longer color my own hair, and I would go to nicer salons. Be pampered with massages and pedicures. Facials a must. I once had that when I worked at a Day Spa and it was a wonderful thing to be spoiled with all the girly girl stuff!

I of course would by new clothing , and we would have places for me to wear it. I would replace all my vintage inspired clothing that I have gotten rid of. I would rock it!!

My hubby could have the wines her ohhs and ahhs over and I could have the larger wedding set that I drool over. Speaking of weddings, we could have a renewal one at Disney World and have wonderful new photos taken ....I have never been able to display ours , they are just not any good. Of course and I know I promised that I would tell of dreams other than a set of new teeth...well those are a must cause I want that wedding photo to be beautiful and that means a beautiful smile for me and my husband. 

So those are my dreams...there are more....could go on and on....but those are the ones I let myself escape into when I am walking....

So Pleasures. Most of those are simple. My husbands love. My daughters , even when they frustrate me . My cats...even though they can be a pain and a lot of work....but when they show love and appreciation or goof off for attention, it always makes me laugh.  A cup of hot tea. My morning gas station coffee and exchange with the clerk. A roam around the book store. A good movie on TV. A Cozy Mystery novel at night when I turn in. Bake Goods...I am not picky. Wonderful food....from something as simple as pasta all the way to gourmand. Dressing up. Getting my nails done ( well when they are not removing the old acrylic and nicking me....OUCH!). Buying/Shopping for new clothing and accessories or make up...even if it is something small. My walks....especially the ones on the trails where it is a mini escape from the city ( even when you can still hear cars) . Our daycations. A great glass of wine. And most times writing my blogs. So you can see most of of these pleasures , even on our tiny budget happen on a regular, daily basis , and bring the smile to my face, and the laughter as well. These things bring me joy. Not all of them happen all the time, but enough so that it makes it worthwhile to get up.

There are things missing in my life that would bring more joy to my life...a close friend that lived closer than 2000 miles, a bit more money ( forget what they say about it not bringing happiness, has always worked for me) those darn teeth LOL , but all in all I feel pretty blessed, even during the worst of times....even on the days I am uninspired, in a funk or a bit blue or am seeing the glass as half empty...what do you dream about? Do you allow yourself to dream? Or are you a realist?? What brings you pleasure day to day, is perhaps a blessing that you over look cause it is always there?? I would love to hear about it. 

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