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Sunday, December 12, 2010

Grateful For Unexpected Things

Last night was a tough night. I was not at all well. Fibro pain was overwhelming, every part of me hurt. Seemed I could feel each and every nerve pulsing in pain. My teeth were throbbing and the pain was making me feel ill to my stomach. I still managed to write in my gratitude journal as well as finish the last of a book I was reading ...what was the point of trying to sleep, even the heating pad and pain killers were not going to dampen what I was feeling. Soon however, my eyes could not stay open, the pain had exhausted me. I turned over and clicked off the light and tried to get as comfortable as I could, petting my cat Bitty for comfort I began my nightly prayer, hoping as what often happens, I would drift off to a slumber...although it be often fitful because of the physical pain, it is a break from the daily ins and outs, the daily struggles.

I began my prayer "Hey Lord, me again...hope I can get this all out before my brain goes off on rabbit trails and I fade before I can finish...." This is how I always start my night time prayer. I often can not keep a single thought going for very long before my brain starts bouncing all over the place, down different trains of thought and soon I am lost and unable to get back to the original purpose. Last night was no different, so I concentrated so very hard to focus on my prayers. Hard, as I was not sure what I wanted to pray about. There is so much to pray about, at times it is so over whleming that I often just give up and let my brain go.

So last night I decided quickly on a theme. Yep, a prayer theme, it works for me. Unexpected perhaps, but a proven way to keep me focused. I decided in light of my physical discomfort, which often leads to emotional and mental discomfort as well, I would pray about those discomforts; but not in a way that you might think. I decided to be grateful for them. So when I finally got up this morning, with some of the discomfort gone and having had about an hours good sleep out of many, I was also moved to share them with you.  I really do not know if you , the reader are interested. Hard telling as I do not get many comments on my blog, although I know I get a lot of you passing through from all over the world. But I shall share all the same.

I am grateful for each and every ache and pain I feel, that means I am still alive. I can feel. I can experience life , even when I often I am so ready to experience the next.

I am grateful for each tooth that throbs, that means to me that they are still in my head. They have not fallen out , I can smile still, though it may not be pretty and may have a bit of a wince attached, it is my own smile, for now that I can flash. Don't get me wrong I so still dream of having a beautiful, white, pain free smile to flash about for all the world to see....but one must be grateful for what they have in the here and now to be worthy of something more later on.

I am grateful for my thinning hair. It certainly takes less to color. It is easier to style, and it is still on my head, no bald spots yet. 

I am grateful for the slowness that comes from the pain, as it makes me slow down and really see the world about me. Appreciate the small flower that blooms despite the frost , or the humming bird that sticks around even when it should be too cold for it to survive. 

I am grateful for my pants needing a belt, not being able to afford a new pair right now as it lets me see in the mirror the results of my efforts to loose 10 pounds.

I am grateful for the emptiness under the Christmas tree, for it helps me to focus on what the reason for the season is and more important things, instead of fighting crowds in shopping malls. 

I am grateful each day that I walk and nearly get hit by a car, cause at least I can still walk. 

I am often grateful for the conversations, no matter how brief when I go to the gas station for a cup of coffee, hearing the ladies speak to me mean that I am there, I am actually able that day to afford a cup of coffee out. It also means that I still have a voice and can still talk, one often wonders when most days are spent in four walls with two cats and a computer. 

I am grateful for the cold weather, I just adore wearing sweaters and mittens and pretty scarfs. I also far prefer hot drinks to cold. 

I am grateful for my cats, even though they make a mess, cost us money we do not have and wake me far too early, it means I am needed. 

I am grateful that my husband has to work so many long hours, even though I miss him, it shows his love for me that he is willing to do so to try to make things better in the long run.

I am TRYING to be grateful for owing friends and family money, as it is means we are cared for and loved and enough so that they wish to help, even when they do not have much to spare themselves and know it could be sometime before we are able to pay them back with anything more than a "Thank You" 

I am grateful when I am having yet another piece of toast, or bowl of oatmeal or plate of pasta, as that means we have food. So many do not.

I am grateful for tossing and turning in my bed at night, because at least I have a bed in which to toss and turn in.

I am grateful for clothing that has been in my drawers and closets and have yet to be updated, they may be well worn, but they are mine and keep me warm and many also do not have that luxury.

The list goes on and on, and did until as I said my brain went off on those darn rabbit trails and I eventually drifted off for brief periods of time. I hope it inspires you to be grateful for things you never thought you were or could be grateful for. I know it will make me more so and will be a prayer "theme" I shall come back to time and time again as a reminder. Life is a blessing, no matter what you have or do not have. Embrace it.


  1. THAT is what I am talking about!

  2. You are going to have a blessed Christmas with that attitude... {{{HUGS}}}

  3. Love your attitude sweet Ruby. I can feel your gratefulness shining through my computer monitor:)

    You are strong and brave and I pray things get better for you very soon.


  4. I hadn't noticed before in my searches!
    I typically don’t comment on web sites but you have some good readable material.


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