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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

From Me To Me...

*image from goggle via LIFE magazine

Gift. Repeat after us: "I will give myself the gift of self-care today. I will do one thing that makes me stronger, healthier, happier. And, when I do, I will pause to say, 'thank you Queen, thank you.' So sayeth the Queen."
As I have mentioned a few times over the last week, there has been a lot of stressful family drama going on. Due to the fact that I can not name names and can not even share for knowledge that it would hurt so many, and it is not my place to do so, all I can say is that it has been like being hit by an emotional mack truck. It far outweighs all other things that cause me stress and unhappiness and it has been like opening Pandora's Box! One that had been closed for a very long time and one that I would again like to have closed and pad locked for all time. Sadly that seems out of my control at the moment. So being that I can only control what I do, and say and feel, today I am putting an end to it, at least in my life. It is is something I am giving myself, like a gift from me to me.
image via google search
 That seems to be a theme today, as I was reading the blog on the "Queen Of Your Own Life" and Kathy Kinney was writing about giving the gift of optimism to herself. Calling it a gift "to me from me". I had to laugh when she wrote that normally she wakes saying " Must hurry to the bathroom.." and instead she awoke saying "This is the first day of the rest of my life" . I always awake thinking that bathroom usage is in need, and upon reading this realized not once ever in my life have I awoke thinking it was the first day of the rest of my life. There are other thoughts like "dear God here we go again " or "dang I hurt", " I so do not wish to deal...." , " it is too cold..." or "damn cat get out of my face and off my chest! " , but yep, can not recall one time that I woke up with an optimistic view of the day...even if I said the exact same line to myself, I think it would have a pessimistic slant on it.
*image from
 In her blog she stated that "Going to bed feeling positive is definitely the best way to wake up feeling positive" . I try to write my gratitude list each night, though must admit I have shortened it to 5 instead of 10 things, and it becomes so repetitive at that. I write out, or say a prayer and then I turn off the light with a post script to God to let me get some sleep. I am not sure that all counts as positive as much as it is a ritual.  I think I need to learn how to turn off the light and lay my head down with a positive thought in my head. Just not quite sure how to achieve that..or what it should be. 
Earlier in the blog she says that she was more optimistic because "Here’s what I think my optimism was about.  Yesterday, I accomplished the things I had committed to myself I would do.....Nothing huge – just little steps but completing these actions made me feel good – like I could trust myself to take care of me."  Maybe that has been my issue. I think too big...YET, Oprah tells us to dream big. Such a confusing thing. Hmmm, maybe if I start small, take care of me in small, easy ways, I can still dream big. Is that the secret? Is it that easy? 
image from google search
 Certainly it would seem what both the authors chat about in the book, the "instructions" for the journey to become a queen of my own life seem that way. The other book The Happiness Project, that I have been following as well also has those simple tasks aimed at doing things for me, taking care of me...and in doing so letting life in a way just flow and fall into place. That of course ties in with yesterday's post of surrender. That was a gift to myself, to once again work very hard ( no one said this journey was easy...was not in the small print somewhere, am sure of it) at giving it, meaning the bigger picture of life, the bigger needs and worries, to God/Universe. 
*image from google search
So, today reading Kathy's blog made me have one of those Oprah "AH-HA" moments once again and the quote that was posted to Facebook above the link for the blog ( see at top of page) summed it all up. I need to take care of me. I needed to give a gift from me to me. So I am choosing from this moment on to let go of the family drama, step back from it and do what I can to deflate it when it comes at me. I have certain family members that will cheer, and others that will say I am sticking my head in the sand and still others that will indeed not be able to do the same as me on their parts and I will be forced to discuss things, but at least I can choose to deal with it in a manner that does not knock my crown off my head, perhaps it will just make it slightly askew. 
*image from google search
I am hoping and praying that if I continue on this journey and keep doing the little things that it takes to be optimistic and happier in my day to day life, that one day I too can wake up and say:"This is the first day of the rest of my life." I think my crown just for a little straighter and more firmly placed upon my head.

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