"I will invest today, in things that uplift and support me. I will invest my time in reflection, action, friendship, health or whatever uplifts me most today. I know what I personally need today and I will honor that knowledge. So sayeth the Queen." Facebook post from Queen of Your Own Life
I was looking for a jumping off point for today's blog. I considered sticking strictly with the day's of the week, following the poem nearly every one knows some part of, so today would be Tuesday's child is full of grace, as it states in the blog title for today; actually it does rather go well with the quote above and the new look to the blog*. I mean if I am going to really pay attention to the book Queen of Your Own Life, as part of my goal to be happier with life and myself, I basically have to work very hard to have grace to get through all the hardships with a smile on my face. We all know and remember my melt down only a week or so ago
( if not the blog was titled This Is Me) . I shudder at the thought. But then life is a roller coaster and at times it can go sideways and upside down causing the queenly crown to go a bit lopsided.
I figured out what it was. Of course I figured hormones came into play, lack of sun and vitamin D in my system, the gloom and rain for a week non stop certainly had a lot to do with it since the exercise endorphins from walking were not obtained, but what it truly was, over and above all else ...I was not investing in ME! I was not doing what made me happy. I was not getting dressed, simply because I was so down on how I was feeling, and the thought of slipping into my worn out clothing for yet another day seemed pointless. I forgot that the simple act of getting dressed, even if the clothing is less than perfect truly does help one feel better, more invested in their day. I was not at the time wanting to invest in combing my hair, putting on make up, a spritz of perfume, all because I was cold, achy, did not feel myself and let all my pain in every area of my life over ride what my goal has been since January, and really a year ago January, to be happy despite everything. I had forgot and put aside the fact that part of that goal was to handle what came with calmness and grace and truly just concentrate on investing in me and what I need to achieve my goals.
I do not know why I can do so very well with it at times, and other times it all goes out the window. Ok that is not 100% true, as I mentioned hormones and gloomy weather and my over all day in and day out chronic pain has a lot to do with it. But as all the quotes keep saying, "you can choose to feel how you feel". At times that simple thing seems the hardest thing in the world ....but it is 100% true. You can choose to be happy, embrace the day, do things that make you feel good or you can wallow. I am so sick of wallowing. To tell the truth I despise it in others....I often then feel like the hypocrite when I am doing it myself. Sadly it seems to happen every Winter. I know I have S.A.D ( seasonal associated disorder) and yet I give in to it instead of fighting it. I allow it to take over. Perhaps admitting that now I can build and invest as the quote says "in the things that uplift and support me..."
I think I am ready to do that. I think I had to really hit rock bottom to be able to climb back up. I have thought I was at rock bottom many times before, but re-looking at the post "This Is Me" I realized I truly had not. It took realizing that I was the only one putting me in that place. The weather, yes, I could not change that, but I could have changed how I dealt with it. The aches and pains, I have ways to control and deal with them, not let them rule me...after all by God's grace I have not lost my teeth yet. It is also true Ellen and Oprah are not coming to the rescue as of yet, and I have not managed to win Publishers Clearing house. But despite painful, loose wiggly teeth, they are still in my mouth and with a bit of photo shopping for pics do not look too bad. My clothing, though ratty, and worn and a size too big, is at least not a fuzzy bath robe and stretched out PJs with a sweater cap! My hair may be butchered from trying to cut it myself and the color was definitely one I should not have re-visited, but I truly should have controlled that bit of vanity and not let it doom my self esteem...not very queenly! I allowed all that was going on with my husbands job and lack of money and his back going out to over ride who I really am most days and who I want to be all days. I let loneliness also dictate how I was feeling, putting too much happiness in others hands, that if not there for me in person I could not possibly feel anything but alone and isolated; again needing to remember I have a wonderful support team via all my online friends and my family.
This is not to say that there will not be days, and as I wrote in that post, I shall embrace, acknowledge and deal with them and then be able to walk away from it and start anew. That is the wonderful thing about life, each second gives you that chance. Sure perhaps the situation has not changed, but if you can not change the situation , then change how you look at and deal with it. ( another quote I keep seeing). And the Journey continues and the crown gets pushed a little straighter.
* The avatars and blog redesign all done and created by my lovely daughter Rebecca who puts up with my pickyness and fickle ways with grace and only a few rolls of the eyes!