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Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Life often throws curve balls. There are times you are equip to catch them, others you drop the ball and still others knock you in the head and to the ground. I have had a combo of all three in the recent weeks....when I felt as if I could handle things I made adjustments to thinking and how I dealt with what was being thrown my way...but at times I found and still find myself struggling to do so.

In the last few weeks our youngest daughter had a painful break up, on the heels of oral surgery and she moved back home with us. This all happened in a two day span of time. We had warnings of all the above, but not a time line that was set in stone.It truly meant major re-adjustments of our daily lives. There was shifting of belongings, needing to purchase things to store the items my hubby and I had accumulated since our daughter moved out several months back.We had to condense what food items we keep on hand to make room for her in the kitchen and well we had to adjust how we live out our day to day life. We were more than happy to do all this, that is what parents do for their children. But it still had impact. On all of us, and stress levels went up, and most likely will stay there until we settle into a routine. 

Within this same time period the Humane Society called and told us they now had an opening to accept the surrender of our beloved tom cat Koko. I can not even express the mixed emotions that I was having with that. Having raised him since he was 2 weeks of age, and he was such a sweet heart it truly created a mixture of guilt,sadness, heartbreak, stress and anxiety. We knew it was the right thing to do, but there was "jokes" made as we once had to part with one of his sisters when moving into the apartment, and now are down to our dear Queen Bitty;the joke was, that she was next. That shot arrows through my already wounded heart, and normally I would let that slide, roll right off me, but with how upset I was, and all that was going on, I could not. Now Bitty cries more and is looking for her brother. So yes, I know we did the right thing as Koko was very ill and we could not care for him properly, the guilt is building.
When our 25th wedding anniversary hit, and basically went by as if it was any other day, there was a lot of thoughts going on about where we were with our life, our marriage, nothing was matching up with what we had thought it would be, what would have transpired over the years. Both myself and my husband felt a bit blue over everything. We wish to make some changes, some adjustments to perhaps make it better, but we feel as if our feet are stuck in concrete to be able to make anything happen. It is amazing how much pressure one puts on oneself to live up to expectations, not those set by others, but ones set by ourselves. We are doing our best to let "it" go and move on, forget the past, but as usual, easier said than done.I suppose that is very human of us. The saving graces are that we are still in love and together despite all and anything...I hold that thought close to mind and heart daily. With that thought it motivates us to continue and work harder to get what we want.

Amongst all this my health decided to take a turn. Unfortunately not for the better. It actually started months ago to show signs, and I was doing my best to ignore it. Then the end of July arrived and then August and it was clear that ignoring it was not going to help. Fear set in. See the issue is that Mother Nature decided a few months ago to extend her monthly visit. At first she stayed only 2-3 extra days. Then 5-6, and soon before I knew it she was with me for 15 days! It took a lot out of me considering I have iron anemia....even with pills I was feeling the drain. 
I found my energy lagging, so lounging in my favorite chair seemed more of a desire than anything.
Then I found myself just sitting and thinking too much.
Then I tried to keep busy, thinking that might help...

Reading was something I started to do more, when I could keep my eyes open. Already shared with you the wonderful book....

Jamie and myself have now become email pals and plan to meet in December!
Now all I want to do is sleep, but often can not, so I rest my eyes... a lot.

I am not sure if what is happening is just hormones, I have been in perimenopause for years now, and I have so many grand  rather sucky symptoms. I have extra dry skin on my body, extra oil on my face. My hair is thinning and my roots are no longer salt and pepper, but snow white...not good when you prefer black hair and the roots after a week makes your hair line look like you are going bald! The hot flashes are not wonderful for silk blouses, and the up and down moods are not wonderful for anyone living with in any proximity of me! 

I was dealing with it all rather well, other than the exhaustion that it was causing;as well as the annoyance. That was until now.(**men if you have not already tuned away, do so now) The onset of July's visit was normal. A bit of spotting. Then normal flow, and finally back to spotting. The wonderful thing was this time it was only 7 days. I was over the moon with excitement! Thinking my hormones had leveled out again. I had three days of this bliss...and then last Thursday I started spotting again. it got heavier. Then heavier. My fear over what was going on weighed heavier on my shoulders. I lamented to friends over what was going on. They all urged me to go to the doctor as soon as I could. Easier said than done. We still do not have insurance, nor a lot of spare cash. But after reading that what is going on could also signal Cancer...I knew I had to. I once again am doing best to stay positive, not think the worse, and just take things as they come...same as I do with all the health issues I deal with daily, but fear keeps creeping in...not sure how to push it down.

I have two weeks, two long weeks till I can get into see a doctor. Apparently they do not see any urgency in the matter. Typical. Till then I am going to do my very best to adjust my way of thinking, eating, and even how I handle day to day life, and try to stay positive and behave as if all will be ok, well until they tell me that it is not. 
It does give me a good excuse to spend more relaxing time primping....

Spending more time in my pajamas...such as today.
And drink more bubbly, within reason as it is said it is bad for hormone levels.
*** all photos found via image searches on Google for 1920's or 1930's Women resting, relaxing, lounging, sitting , reading etc.


  1. WOW - Sounds like you are trying your best to balance it all out. I hope, for your sake, the hormone issue is corrected (naturally) - soon enough. If you at least feel okay, then the rest will fall into place.

  2. Might as well get some more wine to carry you through the next two weeks. I'm not scheduled to see my doctor until the end of September and that was in follow-up to being rushed to the hospital... different world, today. No? Hang in there... {{{HUGS}}}

  3. Oh dear, this is one of those times when you need a really long nap. That is my cure for everything. I am glad you are seeing a doctor...I had these symtoms and it wasn't as serious as I had imagined it would be. Take care, rest and read a very good book while you wait.

    Your daughter is very lucky to have a support system in you and your spouse.



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