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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Hodge Podge

Settle in, I have a lot to pour out this go around.
I picked the title today as I do not have one specific subject in which to write about. I nearly called it "Old Comfy Pillow " ,but thought that might be a bit of an odd title even more so than Hodge Podge. Right now however that pillow is recalling my name. I have not been sleeping as well as I like. The causes are many, G.I. reactions to the iron pills I am on, hormones, the blistering heat, but most of all is our cat Queen Bitty. 

Yes, she is adorable. We all love her. Having raised her since she was two weeks old,now she is 10 years of age, and the last of the three siblings we still have with us, she is our baby. She really is Queen of the apartment. Being a Queen, she demands things to be done her way, on her time table. She likes her "bathroom closet" spotless and smelling of roses, and started recently aiming her bottom out of the box when the box was not as clean she would care we use a large storage bin with a hole cut in it. She demands her water be to the very rim of her bowl, at all times. She has taken over half my bed, so I can no longer make it with a nice cover as she will ruin it. The list goes on and on. 

Over the last year or so, she has become quite vocal. Something she never was in the past. At first it was over her food bowl being filled when she demanded it, then it was doors being closed on her so that she could not have full access, making it hard to even take a shower in privacy. She cries when someone such as my husband or daughter leave for work. All this noise is doable, when during the day. But now for months she has begun to start crying before the sun comes up. She has food, she has water, my husband will even get up to make sure. The doors are all open so she has full access. She goes to each one of us and cries non stop, waking us all. We get her to quiet down, she will even come to my calls and hop up on her side of the bed, settle in for me to pet her then walk to the end and lay down; I manage to doze off, and then she starts it all over again.

We thought perhaps it was that she did not feel well and was trying to tell us,as this only happens in the wee hours of the morning, and once we are all up, she wonders off to her fav hiding spot and sleeps all day, we do not think this is the case. we thought perhaps it was because her brother Koko was ill before we surrendered him, and she was being a big sis and fussing over him...then once he was gone perhaps missing him. It has now been well over two months since that time has passed and she has only gotten worse. I am such a zombie, as I can hear her, even with ear plugs in place, that I can not seem to function. I truly do not know what to do. I often wish she could really speak and tell us what we can do to stop all this. 

All I feel like doing is napping all day...not good for my body (as I skip my walks) or the chores that go undone.
The other thing that has my mind all over the place, is there may be an inkling of hope that one day we will be home owners again. It is a ways off of course, but it is all I can think of. There are pros and cons to apartment life, and one of the major cons is the rent goes up each and every year. This time the rent is going up 100.00 a month! A HUGE leap when you are on an already tight budget!

We had been told last year that it only ever rises 35.00-50.00 a year, so imagine my shock when I got the notice that it was jumping so high. Had this happened last year we would be homeless, we barely made rent with the last hike for so many months. This would do us in if our youngest had not moved back in with us and will be paying a portion of rent and utilities. We had just gotten some life back, with my husbands job getting a bit more profitable, and our daughter paying rent, where I could get some new clothing, very rare if you have been with my blog from the beginning. We had been able to go out to eat, see a movie from time to time and even buy nice wine about once a month, making my hubby very happy...we even have put money in savings! Nothing we did was a very big splurge, I do not think I could ever again be comfortable with such extravagances as we once had in our life, but it did still bring us some pleasure in our daily life. Now with this rent hike, we will be back to square one starting in November. 

That started the discussion that if we could afford a home again, to get in the door so to say, that it would actually be cheaper! I find it ironic how much cheaper. We could save per month nearly three hundred dollars...the price of basic health insurance! As mentioned there are perks to apartment life, like not having to do any of the maintaining of the property, but in reality that is the only perk I can think of. So yes, the list is a short one, even if a big perk money wise. Oddly hubby and myself greatly miss maintaining a home. I think we would actually go out far less if we had home projects to occupy our time. 

So as a bit of a pipe dream, we drove around the area in which we used to live, where our dream cottage is now occupied by someone else. Just to see what was available; though he was careful to not drive down our old street, I am not 100% ready to cross that bridge. We then allowed ourselves to dream, not something we have done in a very long time, not really. When we came home, he even pulled up a local real estate site and priced homes, there was actually so many that filled our needs, desires and would, if we had a down payment, would as I mention be far less per month than our current place that we live in. So the idea was hatched that perhaps our youngest daughter would like to go in on the venture with us when the time comes. She makes a very good income, and it would help her establish credit. It however would mean her living with us for a lot more years than she intended when she moved back in after a break up with her long time boyfriend. But she seems receptive. The dream grew a bit more.

There are of course hurdles to over come. Our credit is one. It has not been three years since the short sale of our home went through. Our realtor and family friend said we need three years from the day it closed of good credit. We only really are coming up on two. Then there is the fact that we will need a down of about 5%, that is a lot of money when on a nothing budget, and even though hubby seems optimistic, that we will be nearly there in a years time, especially with our daughter saving too, the fact remains it would clear out all our savings and leave nothing to move on or to buy appliances, all of which we donated to our middle daughter when we lost our home. So realistically we looking at two more years. In that time I fear the housing market changing and prices raising or interest rates doing the same. I am also fearful on some levels of owning again, though hubby pointed out that it being less per month than an apartment I should not fear loosing a home again. 

There are so many variables. But there are so many pros, including my health and happiness that I can not help but allow myself to hope and dream again that it can happen and maybe even sooner than I expect. Or realtor said we may be able to qualify before the three year mark, he is checking on it. There is a chance we can get in on 3% though we know that it is better to put the most down we can to lower the monthly payments. 

Needless to say possibilities and numbers and variables have been bouncing in my head at all times of the day and night. Including thoughts that paying less per month could make it where I can afford to get new teeth! OH! when looking online there was even homes on our old street, ones that I had admired when we had our home, and said I wish I could live in...of course my hubby and kids do not think it is such a grand idea, but I assured them that if I loved the house, I could deal with being so close to our former home. Only time will tell what happens I suppose...but how to make it till the time when it does is the question!

There are so many other things adding to the hodge podge of this week, my Mom ended up in the hospital and I found out after her release as my Dad did not think to call me...she now has to have gall bladder surgery, and the doctors highly suggested NOW is good, as she is very sick, but in her typical manner of putting off what is good for her health wise, (guess that is where I get putting off the tests I need to test for various female cancers,based on recent health issues)and has chosen to fulfill her obligation to one of her clubs for an event they are hosting and that she is a big part of. She also insists she will drive herself to the hospital and home. She already went out and played poker at a friends, and has now a week before she goes in for the scheduled surgery and can't even keep food down! 

I have such mixed feelings. Anger with my Dad for choosing to stay home and not go with her when she went to the hospital or even bothering to call me...though I can let that go as he has cataracts and can not drive. But he could have called. I have anger that for her follow up, he choose to stay home and watch TV. Anger at her for putting clubs first over health. Then guilt, oh the guilt. 

Had we stayed in Texas, we would still own our beautiful home, paid in full. I would have an abundance of friends, and well I could be there to take her, to be with her, to take care of her before and after. That had been the whole point when we moved to Texas the first time. Being an only child, it is my job to be there. It is not the first time for this guilt. It came when we lost our home here. It came when my Dad had his open heart surgery and I was stuck here in California. And now with this latest development. I am not at all sure how to deal with it. Though I am sure it is complicated by lack of sleep, thanks to Queen Bitty. 
So if you made it that far and did not click off the page, as I know my blogs can be lengthy...they as mentioned are more of a way to journal about my life, and if they are read by others and helps them in some way to learn something about their own selves, then all the can see by now that this blog's title is perfect as I  have had a hodge podge of emotions and goings ons this week. 

Ever have one those days, weeks, years yourself? How did you deal with it? Have a tip on how to quiet a noisy cat? How to have patience? How to let go of anger and guilt when there is nothing you can do to change things? I would love to hear the ideas. Email me or comment! 


1 comment:

  1. Hi Ruby, Let me start by saying I'm sorry that adorable cat is keeping you up. I don't know how to quiet a cat. Have two myself, but they don't cry, just decide to stalk each other at midnight and fly all around the house after each other. I hope you get that house you really want, sooner than later. Things happen for reasons and maybe this is why your daughter is back with you. Just maybe God is sending you some help. As for guilt, I think we all carry a little of that. I have some of that myself for decisions I have made in the past. We cannot change decisions that we have already made. Don't beat your self up for them. Lot's of families live apart from each other in different states. Some parents move away from their children to retire to another place. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just hard not being right there, right now.
    Sometimes even being right there doesn't always work out. Our parents get stubborn as they get older. I pray God gives you the strength to get through this difficult time. Last thing....don't hold on to any anger or guilt it just eats at you. I wish you the best my friend.

    Dee {{hugs}} xx


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